Energy but it is not my energy

These are the reminiscences of an Aurovillian named Roy who came to India in the 1970s.  The article was posted earlier on Savitri Era Devotees and Afforestation Auroville blogs.

For me it all started when I was four or five. At that time I had an experience which later I called my “Sri Aurobindo chair experience”. It is hard to describe, but after that I started speaking a language that only my cousin, Justine understood. She was a year younger than me and I bossed her around in that language. Later my sister asked me, “Do you remember that language you spoke?”, which I didn’t, as I didn’t know I wasn’t speaking in English, but the only word of that language that I remembered was what I used to call my cousin: “Didi”, and afterwards I learned that this is Bengali for sister.

I often asked my mother, “Why did you call me Roy?” and she replied ,”Because it is a short name”. Much later, when I met Nolini Kanta Gupta he told me, “My name used to be Roy”.

I thought this was very special until I discovered later that everybody in Bengal is called Roy. So I felt for a very long time that I had a connection to Sri Aurobindo and very much to the Mother from some earlier times. As a child I was very secretive because my family was hostile to anything having to do with spirituality. There was just so far I could go with them in discussions because they were very sarcastic. They have a New York sense of humor which is sarcasm, which I did not share.

So I was waiting to grow and leave, living in my own private world, and finally at 18 I left home. I was really happy when the sixties happened; it was such a great thing having a community of people that I could identify with. I hated the fifties. The beginning of the hippie thing was great: communities, no money, everything was free; you would just go from place to place. I assumed this was the beginning of the new age. And it was not only the beginning but it was going to expand. It was so obvious, you could see it everywhere. So when I came to Auroville it was like an extension of that existence I already was living.

During the sixties, I was looking for a spiritual commune to live in, and people of my own kind. I went to Harvard square, where there was a bookstore where I picked up the latest copy of a magazine called Modern Utopia. On the cover, there was the Lama Foundation which was started by Ram Dass (Richard Alpert). I thought, “Ah, great! A spiritual community, in New Mexico. Perfect!” On the back cover, there was a picture of the galaxy of Auroville, but it didn’t really register. So I took off for New Mexico, which was a big adventure and quite interesting, and there I met somebody who had actuallybeen to Pondy, and as he was describing Pondicherry, I visualized something, a weird building with green shutters.

My first discovery of Sri Aurobindo was in 1968, and I got seriously into yoga. I had a kind of opening into the vital world which was really unpleasant. I had these occult experiences many of which were quite frightening: being pulled out of my body, things like this. So I came specifically to see the Mother to get patched up again. I had studied Tibetan Buddhism, and all those deities they talk about in their texts, I met them, but when you meet them outside your body, it is much scarier than the way they look in tankhas.



So I came here to see her. I was reading Sri Aurobindo. I read in Letters on Yoga that if you want the transformation, you have to see the Mother. Of course he wrote this in 1936, so that wasn’t exactly relevant, but I took it as an indication that I had to come and see her. Before I left for India, I was living at Tail of the Tiger at this Tibetan Buddhism place. I don’t know if you have ever been to a meditation center, but after a couple of months, you become very addicted to meditation. I got really into it. You keep on increasing your hours until eventually you are living in a kind of monastic life in which all you do is meditate. When you turn the brain off, it is really nice. I was quite happy there, but I had no money as usual. Meanwhile I went down to Boston visit my yoga teacher, who instructed me on Sri Aurobindo. He opened the door and he said, “If you have been thinking of going to India, go!” And he closed the door in my face. So I said okay.

I went into New York. There was a bookstore which sold Sri Aurobindo’s books. I used to go there and read. On the wall, there was an announcement: India, $350, one-way ticket. I said, “Oh! I can afford that”. So the next day, Thursday, I go to this airplane place.

“I am interested in the ticket for India”.

“How do you pay?”

“In cash”.

“Here is your ticket for Sunday.”

“But I can’t leave on Sunday, I don’t have a visa!”

On Friday I go to the Indian Consulate. The Indians there hate India, they really try to discourage you.

“Why are you going to India? We spent so many years trying to get out of India. You don’t want to go to India!”

“Yes I want to go to India. What kind of visa application?”

They told me to go into another room to find the Visa Applications which were on the floor in a pile.

“Here it is”.

“Come back tomorrow,” the guy said.

So I came back on Saturday. The plane left on Sunday February 28th, 1971.

I left a chit to my parents: “I am going to India”.

I arrived in the Ashram. I just came from that Tibetan Buddhism center in Vermont which was very cold, so I arrived at the Ashram with an Icelandic wool hat on, a woollen lumber jacket, back pack and a guitar, dressed for winter. At the Ashram gate they saw me and they freaked out.

“Go away, go away!”

“Where should I go?”

“Take him some place,” they told the rickshaw.

The rickshaw took me to some lodge, Anavasyam Lodge, which turned out to be this ugly building with green shutters which I had visualized earlier at Lama Foundation.  So my trip coming here in hindsight was guided forcefully because I am still pretty stupid but I was really stupid then, really an unconscious person, and to get here took something else. I would never have made it.

I went to see her. Before we were allowed up there, her secretaries came down the stairs, like Counouma who came literally creeping down the staircase, and looked really scary. There seemed to be a very strange kind of cult thing surrounding her. It was hard to have access. But when she touched me, she changed my whole personality, from this uptight New-York Jewish guy into something else.

And lots of people who meet me say, “Roy has such a good energy”.

It is not my energy they feel, it’s hers. It has always been like that. If anything, because I am a simple person, she put something in me physically that people feel – those who are open to me, they feel this.

The thing I am sure everyone who came early will tell you, is that the vibration of the Mother here was so strong and physical that you could not think of leaving. Now everyone goes out for the summer because it is hot. In those days we would not leave for a second because it was totally happening and you would not like to miss one moment.

You had these experiences, and after a few days Mother would say, “Oh, yes, something came down and did this…” You felt it. Her Being was so big and powerful and present that you would not even dream of… .

Why leave? So it is a lot different now than it was.

I stayed in Pondy for a couple of months, then I got directed to Auroville. I lived in Silence, where Bharat Nivas is now. There was Larry, who came the same day I did, and Jaap and Lisbeth who also came the same day I did. Black Krishna was there, big Jocelyn and Constance and Daniel. Minu had a hut that was only big enough for a bed. She had a big framed sign that said “Sincerity”, that the Mother wrote to her. When she left Silence, she moved over to Gene Maslow’s place (which is where Sincerity is now), and she brought the sign Sincerity over to there. So they called the place Sincerity.

It was an interesting time.

I was very young when I came. In fact, the oldest persons in Auroville were Frederick and Shyama and Francis. They were the adults. The rest of the people were my age, like twenty. The whole place was run by kids basically.  Besides the other aspects, it was really fun. It was an amazing place where you would feel totally comfortable as a young person. There was no one to tell you what to do. So we did every stupid thing you can imagine. It did not matter. It felt very experimental: we try this, it does not work, so what?

We were living in the middle of the fields, sleeping in the fields, there were no trees. The water used to come by kattavandi. We would wait and see in the distance the kattavandi coming with the water. It was timeless. There was no electricity, no village music. It was still the ragi culture here; there was this amazing cycle of timelessness. I don’t know if you have ever ploughed a field with bullocks, it is an amazing feeling. Watching them is different, but if you do it yourself, you feel an amazing security. This is a wonderful thing, ploughing the field. It is so ancient. India was really incredible. Now with TV and everything it is totally ruined. It is not the same thing.

A year before Mother died, I was living in the Matrimandir workers camp. I had this very vivid dream where I went to the Samadhi and there was a long line of people. I waited in line, and I went in and there was the Mother lying dead. So I go up to her, I kiss her feet and all this energy comes out. I thought: She is not dead

Then I woke up. Larry who was living next door came in, looking the way Larry looks when he is in a state of shock. He said: “I just dreamt that the Mother died!” I went to see Pandit and I said, “I just dreamed that the Mother died.”

“Ah! this is in the atmosphere, you know!”  like: forget about it.

One year later I was in Pondy. I used to play Go with this Chinese man, Fan Chan Hsu, who lived in the Ashram and was translating Sri Aurobindo into Chinese. He was a very special kind of person. He once told me he could look at somebody and tell if he was going to die or not. I said, “Oh it’s interesting!” He said that well, it wasn’t interesting, because when the Japanese had invaded China, everywhere he looked he saw people about to die.

He came to Pondy in 1949 to study Sanskrit. The Red Chinese took over and he could not go back to China because he came from an aristocratic background. He would have been executed or sent to a camp. I used to play Go, which is a Chinese game, with him.

On November 17th, in the middle of the game, he stands up and says, “Let’s stop playing”. I looked at the clock: it was 7.25. He says, “It would be good if she could live up to a hundred.” Then I went to a place called Auroville where little Jocelyn had a kind of guest-house. I was sleeping on the roof, billions of mosquitoes, it was impossible to sleep. When the sun rose I was so happy to get up and go to the Ashram.

There was a long line of people, it was like in my dream, she was lying in state… When I saw her, she looked totally different than the picture they show you now: she was quite erect and her head was up, and she was still in her trance. There was a picture [like this] that they posted in the Ashram briefly, but then it disappeared and they put the other one, where her head is down, on her chest. I’ve always been trying to get that picture but no one knows where it is. In this picture, she looks incredible, in a different state – not dead, in a complete trance state. Satprem wrote about all that. It was my experience also, that she wasn’t dead, she was in a trance. She shouldn’t have been touched or moved for a while at least but then they brought her downstairs and disturbed everything.

After that happened, I was in a total state of shock, because that was not supposed to happen. We had a belief system that was total commitment at that time, so it was impossible. Then Nolini came out with his statement saying the transformation has been postponed! I freaked out a little more: like the whole thing is over, that’s it.

Still we had this faith that it was not finished.

Then these incredible years began. The war with the Sri Aurobindo Society started in 1975. From that point on, another thing kept us here, which was this fight for freedom.

It was such a together thing. A lot of people got messed up, but at the time it was like no question, we felt so strong. When it started, it was a shock not only because of their hostility, but that it could even happen in Auroville.

Now I feel more compassion for Nava and everybody. Everyone is an instrument for the Divine, which uses whatever it can, so there is no blame. People did what they did.  I guess everybody was sincere.

But the attacks on Auroville – I felt they have been happening since the very early days. We used to have occult attacks that every night people experienced in their body. These were intense experiences. We had to stay really focused on Sri Aurobindo and the Mother, whoever one felt closest to, and shield ourselves, because the hostility was incredible, totally penetrating. Auroville has been under that kind of hostility since the time I came

In Letters on Yoga, Sri Aurobindo says “You should not criticize the Ashram, because it is a creation of the Mother.” And it is the same thing for Auroville: It is Her creation and it is difficult to justify criticizing things because we are not really conscious of how She is developing Auroville.

When Krishna calls you to wish you a happy birthday, it is such a nice thing. Last time he called me, I told him, “As long as I can hear your voice say Happy Birthday, I know everything is good.” I feel like that, because a little bit of personality makes such a huge difference. When Kireet first came, he said that when one wrote to Sri Aurobindo, they used to bring his reply by hand to the person, so the people in the Ashram felt some contact with him, physically.

Kireet had the idea of a Unity Council: a group of people that would make everyone feel known. They would know your birthday; they would come and see you, like the Ganges flowing with goodwill into the community, all the time, all the time, all the time. Later it switched to something else, but it was a great idea, a simple idea…

From a conversation with Roy

TURNING POINTS published by Auroville Press Publishers

Related Posts

  1. Mahabiplabi Arabindo: Bengali movie on Sri Aurobindo’s early life
  2. Reminiscences of the Mother’s physician, Dr. Bisht
  3. On Atheism and Agnosticism
  4. How does the Self-realized person speak? (Gita 2:54)
  5. Conversations with Sri Aurobindo recorded by Anilbaran Roy
  6. Sri Aurobindo’s interaction with an American soldier during World War II
  7. The laissez-faire approach of Sri Aurobindo and the Mother
  8. Can I have more than one Guru?
  9. Emma Calvé’s interaction with Swami Vivekananda
  10. How does the brain absorb new ideas?
  11. Mahatma Gandhi’s aborted 1934 attempt to meet Sri Aurobindo
  12. Are Indians more spiritual?
  13. Dharana Shakti : the capacity to sustain spiritual experiences
  14. An autobiographical short story by the Mother Mirra Alfassa
  15. The elusive touch of the psychic being
  16. Xu Fancheng (徐梵澄) : a Chinese disciple of Sri Aurobindo and the Mother
  17. How do movies affect yoga practice?
  18. The Mother Mirra Alfassa as a Guru
  19. The first meeting of Sri Aurobindo and the Mother Mirra Alfassa
  20. Silviu Craciunas has a dream of Sri Aurobindo

22 thoughts on “Energy but it is not my energy

  1. Aaron Asphar

    I have the answer to self-realization: at least my answer. I wonder if I can communicate it. Notice deeply how you are just a detail in your awareness. Seeing that brings your attention to everything at once. If you are just a detail within your awareness, how much moreso is a thought or detail or fragmentary image just a detail within your awareness? This is a major realization to be attained, because it is The Answer. Anytime something brings your attention to a detail within your awareness, remind yourself: ‘this is just a detail within my awareness’, and practice this constantly.

    In doing so, you notice that you get pulled in by this or that detail, and you are in a possition to discover all your obstacles, all your ‘foes’, but when you get anoyed with a foe you are caught up in a detail of your awareness. You discover this over and over, and you become smart to these things, and realize they are increadibly clever ploys to test the veracity of your attention. I discovered this no more than an hour ago, and it is constantly bringing me back into the now, yielding manifold crucial self-insights and whilst keeping my mind quiet: interuptions are very momentary. I just had to say that: I can’t really say anything else otherwise I will have to use thought, whilst here I am just expressing what is right now. Horray!! If anyone happens to try this and it works as well as it does for me right now, would you let me know? Then I will verify its usefulness for others.

    Kind regards

      1. 1adt1

        No, on my computer. In which regard is this related (I’m curious) ?
        I even do not know exactly what gives me these feelings. Maybe how the legacy has turned out… I do not know.

      2. Sandeep Post author

        Sorry, I was in a jocular mood when I asked the question about the browser 🙂
        In the Internet age, people’s emotions fluctuate rapidly based on the look-and-feel of the social media apps they are using

    1. Samir

      I had a similar feeling when reading this… an amorphous sense of unease. Maybe it stems from his subtle references to disputes and disagreements at the Ashram, as though things didn’t go as well as they could have done after the Mother and Sri Aurobindo were no longer physically present.

  2. mikran

    It is good to see reminiscences of the occult dimensions of Sri Aurobindo and the Mother’s Yoga finally surfacing. For too long the gatekkeepers both West and East have tried to control the Yoga by presenting a narrative that is either secular/scientific or scriptal religous devoid of occult meaning.
    Sri Aurobindo and the Mother direct the Yoga,however this can only be truly experienced by a complete surrender, a letting go of mind, ego vital, attachments, not always easy. 🙂

  3. mike

    “Thanks for the Post…Pl help to understand the notes of Nolini da that ” Transformation has been Postponed!”

    Satprem says this in his ‘notebooks’ [so, it seems he believed nolini’s statement to be FALSE]:
    “March 15, 1974
    The “inoculation” is effective. (Written) declaration from Nolini: “The immediate programme of a physical transformation is postponed … The earth-consciousness was not quite ready for the final transformation of the Mother’s body, that is to say, the material substance of the body. Therefore it could not accommodate the incoming transforming force — and it broke.

    l think he Satprem [not sure] believed along with M.P.Pandit and G.VAN.WREKHAM that The Mother was successful and She simply walked into a Body of Light..
    “G Van Wrekhem says that he believed that Mother moved into her New body on the subtle physical and that the physical body was just a cocoon [something like that] that She left behind.

    “We know that before the Mother left her physical frame, she was trying to coalesce her supramental body with her physical body but she was unable to do so. In M.P. Pandit’s book Mother and I there is an interesting paragraph on page 220 which runs: ‘This morning, while praying, it flashed on me that Mother might discard the physical body and assume the new body and function in it for the furtherance of the work from the subtler plane. She might get the work executed through her chosen instruments. But she would be here in that body close to the field of her work.’ This diary-note was dated 24 July 1973. In another book of his titled The Mother and Her Mission, he writes (pp. 16-17):
    ‘Then on the morning of 17th November at about nine o’clock, a particular friend of mine–he has a certain grounding in occult experience, occult knowledge, and normally when we meet we exchange notes–told me, “I have seen the Mother’s body of light.” I got interested. He said, “The new body is full of light but it is not yet dense enough to function in the earth conditions. It is there, and as I was looking at it I got the feeling that the Mother would enter this body the moment it became dense enough to stand and function in the earth atmosphere, seen or unseen. But there is no question of revival of the material body.” And he added, “Those who are capable of seeing the Mother’s halo, aura, they will be able to see that luminous body.” It confirmed what I had perceived some four months earlier; I told him as much.’
    Therefore we must note that on 17 November 1973 at 7:25 p.m. the Mother did not die; she just walked into her new, luminous body ‘without dying’, that is, there was no gap in consciousness. To quote M.P. Pandit’s words: ‘They say the cause [of the Mother’s passing] was heart failure, but let me tell you the heart failure was not the cause, the heart failure was the result of her withdrawal. She had decided; the moment things were ready, she walked into that body.’ (The Mother and Her Mission, p. 17)”

    However, K.D.Sethna is in agreement with Nolini:

    “When I saw Sri Aurobindo’s body after he had left, my impression was that waves of power were coming out of it. And there was such an overwhelmingly exalting atmosphere, that I would say that in my life with Sri Aurobindo and The Mother I never had an experience spiritually so enjoyable as when Sri Aurobindo left his body. It’s a sort of paradox, but that experience was as if something was coming from above with a thundering intensity right down to the heart-center. And that gave me an idea of what Sri Aurobindo had done. He had made a breakthrough somehow like that. I was very much used to Sri Aurobindo seeing all that I wrote, so I was really disappointed and didn’t know what to do now that he was no more in his body. I spoke to Udar about it. He conveyed my predicament to The Mother. When I met her she held my hand and said: “Nothing has changed.” That really heartened me and then later when I met her again I asked her what had happened. She said: “It is perfectly clear to me but I am not going to tell you. You have to find it out yourself.” So I said that she should give me the power to find it out. She then put her hand on my head. Later I went to Bombay where for about a fortnight I just sat in the dazed condition and made my appeal to Sri Aurobindo: “If I cannot write something which will do justice to this great event which has taken place, all that I have written so far is useless. And if I can write something worthy, I don’t care whether or not I wrote anything else in future.” Then at the end of the fortnight all of a sudden I seemed to see something coming to me… I typed out my whole article and sent it to The Mother. I received a telegram which said that the article was fully approved. So what The Mother had told me that nothing had changed was absolutely true. The inspiration from Sri Aurobindo had come! This is the best article I have ever written. Even now when I come up against a difficult problem which I cannot solve, I appeal to Sri Aurobindo at night and every time the help comes. So his help, his presence are always there. The Mother’s presence is also there but the physical absence of both is sometimes really galling, because some of us used to meet The Mother every day. But apart from that I don’t think the inner working has changes in any way. Nolini has said, and I agree with him, that the work of the physical transformation has been postponed. Without them the physical transformation, the supramentalisation of the body which requires very special conditions is postponed. But before that there is ample scope for any kind of inner development, you can go as high as the Overmind and when you reach a higher consciousness many things can happen to you, even physically things can happen. But the last transformation is not possible at present. That is the only difference I see. Naturally when our gurus are not outwardly there people feel that they have no guidance and so some sort of laxity, inner-life laxity, is not impossible, it can happen, human beings are like that. If people really want to do yoga and lead a spiritual life they can do it with as much intensity as before and they can get a great deal of help from their own inner beings as well as from Sri Aurobindo and The Mother. That is how I see it.”

  4. gopal

    Definitely Transformation is a work in progress .
    i will not go into the individual transformation for it could definitely be understood or experienced or lets say, re-viewed with the help of Books like Life Divine, Savitri or Synthesis of yoga, by one who is a sadhak at this point of time.

    I believe Sri Aurobindo’s vision had stages beginning with an overmental consciousness where a harmonization of all divisions take place and a collective fastening of the process, beginning with the arrival of the Gnostic beings and as a consequence of it, the formation of a Gnostic society, based on a spiritual consciousness.
    Infact Mother’s very purpose to establishing Auroville is in these lines…. to see if a gnostic society could be arrived at in the future. .
    Ofcourse the individual transformation and its progress are always best left to the individuals themselves in this case being the masters Mother or Aurobindo themselves.

    If you were to inquire about their impact on the world. It always takes a long time for the effect of Avatars or Masters to be felt. There are many cases in point . Take the case of the modern day dominant religions and their pioneers… .it’s not like their impact on thw world was from day one, besides their impact has been felt by Humanity more only in the moral, mental and other universal planes . Sri Aurobindo and the Mother are talking of bringing something onto the physical plane establishing something in the physical nature…. which has no precedents.

    If you are like me… i’d suggest you take a look at some of those StanLee SUPERHUMAN videos just to enjoy a few real life examples of the future possibilities…[ Not all of those, though..], i mean they are stunning pointers to the future men,
    on what is possible….

    see this guy, Kim peek “living Google” -makes you question what is this intelligence, this machinery that Society cherishes. Some one like that before Google or even Internet was conceptualized.

    makes me still believe… yes something is

    happening in this world according to their


  5. Ravindra

    Dear Mike,

    “Nothing has changed”

    Thank You very much for the response and to make the things Very clear…

    Article written by K.D.Sethna and approved by The Mother has been published or Not?
    will you pl share or the source of the same.

    with Peace

  6. Darius


    January 14, 1967

    “Because of the necessities of the transformation, this body may enter a state of trance
    that will appear cataleptic….
    Then I knew it was Sri Aurobindo speaking, because he started taking on his ironic tone, and he said:
    “Above all, no doctors! This body must be left in peace.4
    Do not hasten, either, to announce my death (Mother laughs) and to give the government the right to intervene.
    Keep me carefully sheltered from all injuries5 that may come from outside – infection,
    poisoning, etc. – and have UNTIRING patience: it may last days, perhaps weeks, perhaps
    even longer, and you will have to wait patiently for me to come naturally out of that state
    once the work of transformation is accomplished.”
    I didn’t have the time to write it down. But Sri Aurobindo himself said to me, “On Saturday, when you see Satprem.”

    4″Surtout pas de docteurs! il faut laisser ce corps en paix.” Mother added this first sentence in a slip of paper she sent to
    Satprem after the conversation (see facsimile).

    5 It may be noted that Mother used the French word “injure” (normally meaning “insult”) because she heard the English word “injury.” (See conversation of January 25.)
    It’s interesting.
    So it’s something that’s going to take place.
    It looks like that…. Because it came when I was fully in that state, but I was conscious that this [body] needed… it takes TIME, that’s the problem. Instantaneous things are miraculous and don’t have the power of duration: they don’t correspond to the STATE – the vibratory state of something lasting. So then, this intimation came, and when it came the experience was over, everything stopped.
    But now I know what it is. And it has left in the being a sort of certitude, but a certitude so full of joy, oh!…
    There we are.
    But Mother, these “instructions” should be given…
    …Should be known by everyone.
    Everyone. Which means by those who are near me, who look after me, even by people like the doctors, who might take it into their heads to go and inform the government, for instance! Because this intimation was very… imperative, it was an imperative necessity – which to me seems to prove that it will happen. “Because of the necessities of the transformation…” That was when the experience was there and I became aware of all that needed to be changed for this body to be capable of holding the thing constantly, for it to be there all the time. So that came. And I wanted to write it down,
    but didn’t have the time, I was already terribly late; then came very clearly from Sri Aurobindo, “On Saturday, when Satprem is here.”
    I forgot to tell you at first!
    You’ll have to make it into a note and give it to those you think it should be given to.
    Yes, first to the “trustees” [the heads of the Ashram’s administration], because they are the ones who have authority here; then it will have to be translated into English and distributed.6

    You understand, no one should take it into his head to go and tell the government- because they’re so silly, they might go shouting about.
    Yes, of course. They may go and inform the government or…
    So the government will come and say, “But you can’t keep this, you have to bury it.” That would be lovely! It would be a fine mess!
    There will have to be some wisdom in the disciples.
    Excuse me?

    6 This note was actually translated into English by one of the Ashram’s secretaries and distributed to five people among those near Mother, including Nolini. Everyone “having authority” thus knew of it.

    A little wisdom in the disciples.
    Yes… yes.
    Nobody should say anything except, “Mother has gone into trance.” That’s all, quite simply. “She is in trance.”
    But if they are prepared for the idea beforehand, they might be more reasonable?…


    April 3, 1972

    Sujata enters
    (What has happened between April 2nd and 3rd that Mother should suddenly speak in the following terms?)
    Good morning, Mother.
    Good morning, mon petit.
    Everything’s all right?… Really?
    Yes, Mother.
    I want to tell you something…. I had already explained to Satprem that if the time for transformation comes, if my body grows cold, they should not rush to put it in a hole in the ground. Because it could be… it could be only temporary. You understand? It could be momentary. They should arrange to keep it here until it shows signs of complete… of the beginning of decomposition. I am telling you this because I want to make sure it’s understood; it would be stupid to put it in a hole and have all the work stop because of that.
    You understand? Do you understand what I mean?
    Yes, Mother, your instructions are noted…
    You see, make absolutely sure that I have left my body.
    I don’t know…. I know an attempt is being made to transform it – it knows it and is very willing –but I don’t know if it will be able to do it…. Do you follow? So for some time it may give the impression that it’s over, although it would be only temporary. It would start again – it might start again. But then I would be… I may be incapable of speaking at that time, of saying this.
    So I am saying it to you – Satprem knows. One other person should also know.
    I believe Pranab also knows it.
    I don’t know, I have never said anything to him.
    Because we had noted it down, and your instructions are here in the drawer. They’ve been kept here as “instructions.”48

    I don’t know, I have never said anything to him.
    (Mother’s attendant, speaking in Bengali to Sujata:) He knows.
    It seems silly to make a fuss. Better say nothing. It’s enough if just a few people know.
    It doesn’t really preoccupy me, but…. This body is truly very willing, it wants to do its best…. Will it be capable?… Ultimately, if the Lord has decided this one will be transformed, it will be transformed, that’s all!

    48On January 14, 1967, for the first time, Mother had spoken of this possibility of cataleptic trance – five years earlier.

  7. mike

    l’ve never really understood that business of ‘stopping them burying the Mother’s body’. Why was there such an ‘imperative’ command from Sri Aurobindo? Surely He and Mother would know exactly what would happen to Her body and if there was a danger of it being buried prematurely, wouldn’t they be able to intervene to stop it?
    SA or M would only have to appear to these ‘doctors’ or whoever and tell them not to touch the Mother’s body. With their Divine Power they could prevent it anyway. l just don’t understand what the problem was, considering who they are…. it’s probably beyond my tiny brain to understand.
    l know Satprem claimed that M was murdered by those around Her, and also apparently, Alexander David-Neel [Mother’s friend of Tibetan fame] had written to Mother years before [l think it was years] saying She would be murdered by Her disciples – incredible to believe l know….
    l find it almost impossible to believe that two Divine Avatars would not know this would happen and also couldn’t or wouldn’t stop it, unless their reasons were so Supreme that it far exceeds our meagre comprehension….
    And around 40 years hence we are none the wiser!!


Join the discussion!

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Google photo

You are commenting using your Google account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s